It’s been more than 2 years since I received my PNES diagnosis and my reactions when informed said seizure was non-epileptic vs epileptic, is the same today as it was the first time they told me. Even after all the reading and research I’ve done, I still feel disbelief and disappointment. Definitely not relieved. My… Continue reading It’s not Your Fault
Category: State of Mind
I remember when …
It’s funny how certain memories will rise up and smack you in the face, a little reminder of days gone by sent as a wakeup call or to see where you where and how far you travelled. One thing I promised myself when I moved to Calgary was, I’d take part in research projects and… Continue reading I remember when …
Living With Epilepsy-A Perpetual Adjustment Period
Being diagnosed at 49 altered my life immensely. Adjusting my day-to-day to include a condition that randomly strikes disrupting the daily ebbs and flows, replacing old habits and activities with new ones, or none, is a challenge for any adult. But what about a child? To develop such a disabling illness in the early years,… Continue reading Living With Epilepsy-A Perpetual Adjustment Period
Because I Said So
Growing up, dad drilled a ton of old sayings into me and my siblings, for the sole purpose of keeping us in line while pretending to offer ‘fatherly’ advice. His favourites were, [“if you’re going to do something, do it right the first time.” “Because I said so.” “You’ll live.” And yell, “ELBOWS OFF THE… Continue reading Because I Said So
Don’t Worry be Happy
Not my most favourite song, to be honest, but the right sentiment is there. That, and Don’t sweat the small stuff. Take it with a grain of salt. Like water running off a duck’s back. Grin and bear it. This piece is dedicated to all my fellow epilepsy and pnes patients and the lives they… Continue reading Don’t Worry be Happy
Electrical Overload – A Poem
We’ve never had all the answers. The why—the how come—the where—the what’s next? I’d come to terms with not driving. Swore not to drink again, that evil partly to blame for bringing me to where I am today. The stressors—my life choices. Terrible—horrible—bad decisions when faced with a fork in the road, led down the… Continue reading Electrical Overload – A Poem
Is it me?
To Blame or not to Blame? Why is it after every seizure I ask myself, ‘what did I do wrong?’ How did I cause it?’ Each time, I have one, I still assume it was something I did to bring it on, that it’s my fault. Whether it’s epileptic or non, I believe it happened… Continue reading Is it me?
Doctors—My Second Family
When you spend so much time with doctors as I have, it’s a shock when you’re told, ‘you’re doing much better since I last saw you, and I think we can close your file. There’s no need for regular follow-ups, but my door is always open. I’m here if you need me.’ It’s good that… Continue reading Doctors—My Second Family
The Seizure ‘Echo’
It’s weird how sounds bounce back, a replay of a moment, repeated word for word. Memories do that, triggered by the sight of something familiar, a scent, or a person, bringing forth a rush of emotion. In a way, seizures have an echo, not of the physical type, but purely emotional. Visiting the site of… Continue reading The Seizure ‘Echo’
Scrambled and Fried
My writing is all over the place, bits here, scribbles there scattered over 2 and 3 binders and scrap books, a visual representation of my mind. We moved floors in September, only 2 years after landing in Calgary. Up 8 floors to the 20th, better views and more ‘me’ spaces for each of us, our… Continue reading Scrambled and Fried