The memory is a funny creature. Sometimes preferring to hide away in its lair, hibernating until it awakens, rising to the surface slowly like a bubble weaving and bobbing its way to the top. Or so it seems to me.The brain stores, somewhere amongst the million or more neurons, thoughts and feelings in neat little… Continue reading I Just Remembered..
Category: State of Mind
Setting Goals
I gave up setting goals many years ago, decades even, long before my epilepsy diagnosis, and more since my PNES was confirmed. It seemed pointless. I mean, why would I work towards something that could, would, potentially fail? Yes, that is a defeatist attitude, negative in so many ways, but is also a defense mechanism… Continue reading Setting Goals
Boundaries and limits
After receiving my epilepsy diagnosis, I spiralled into a state of shock, disbelief, fear, and , yes, self pity. Emotions I’ve spent decades burying rushed to the surface. Sadness, anger, grief, and even guilt. It’s taken a long winding road full of hills and valleys, moving along narrow rocky paths inches from the edge of… Continue reading Boundaries and limits
The Art of Perfection (or is it a curse?)
The art of perfection takes years to perfect, yes pun intended. My lessons began at an early age and growing up in the 60s and 70s, we didn’t mince words. The world was seen in shades, not colour. I recall old adages relating to ‘doing things right’ ‘haste makes waste’ and ‘if you want something… Continue reading The Art of Perfection (or is it a curse?)
April in Review
Wow. Another month down. 😮 Here in Calgary, our April ‘showers’ were colder, heavier, and whiter than normal but the temperatures remained relatively mild. I mean, it is spring, isn’t it? Or at least, it’s supposed to be. In any case, the white stuff came, piled up a bit, melted, came again, melted, and is… Continue reading April in Review
Introspection
{Long post warning} A thought occurred to me this morning, one of those AH-HA moments where the realization of something that’s bounced around in the crevices of your mind now appears as Johnny did in The Shinning. In the early days since my epilepsy diagnosis, I journalled writing down every thought, fear, frustration, and anything… Continue reading Introspection
People and Places
Over the years since my epilepsy diagnosis, I’ve encountered all sorts of individuals and found myself in places I never imagined. Almost 2 years after my sentencing, I’d hadn’t connected with anyone, other than my old boss, who had epilepsy or knew what I was experiencing. I had my sister, of course, a medical professional… Continue reading People and Places
I am Numb
It’s true what they say about being depressed—you’re the last one to know. It’s as if we can’t recognize the signs, or we don’t want to. The old,’ if I can’t see it, it’s not real’ philosophy. But with everything else in life, you can’t wish things away. If you turn your back on it,… Continue reading I am Numb
It’s not Your Fault
It’s been more than 2 years since I received my PNES diagnosis and my reactions when informed said seizure was non-epileptic vs epileptic, is the same today as it was the first time they told me. Even after all the reading and research I’ve done, I still feel disbelief and disappointment. Definitely not relieved. My… Continue reading It’s not Your Fault
I remember when …
It’s funny how certain memories will rise up and smack you in the face, a little reminder of days gone by sent as a wakeup call or to see where you where and how far you travelled. One thing I promised myself when I moved to Calgary was, I’d take part in research projects and… Continue reading I remember when …