To Blame or not to Blame? Why is it after every seizure I ask myself, ‘what did I do wrong?’ How did I cause it?’ Each time, I have one, I still assume it was something I did to bring it on, that it’s my fault. Whether it’s epileptic or non, I believe it happened… Continue reading Is it me?
When you spend so much time with doctors as I have, it’s a shock when you’re told, ‘you’re doing much better since I last saw you, and I think we can close your file. There’s no need for regular follow-ups, but my door is always open. I’m here if you need me.’ It’s good that… Continue reading Doctors—My Second Family
It’s weird how sounds bounce back, a replay of a moment, repeated word for word. Memories do that, triggered by the sight of something familiar, a scent, or a person, bringing forth a rush of emotion. In a way, seizures have an echo, not of the physical type, but purely emotional. Visiting the site of… Continue reading The Seizure ‘Echo’
My writing is all over the place, bits here, scribbles there scattered over 2 and 3 binders and scrap books, a visual representation of my mind. We moved floors in September, only 2 years after landing in Calgary. Up 8 floors to the 20th, better views and more ‘me’ spaces for each of us, our… Continue reading Scrambled and Fried
My time in the seizure unit was filled with tests, seizures, hockey games, Netflix, reading, puzzle books, and poetry. Sitting, or laying in a hospital bed, within a 9×9 cell, 20 or more electrodes crazy-glued to my head, and attached to a cord plugged into a computer mounted on the wall, was almost suffocating. The… Continue reading Foothills Poetry
I never thought I was an anxious person and I don’t think I knew the true definition of anxiety until 2015. Or maybe a little before then. We all get those ‘butterflies’ in the stomach sensation, that ‘oh shit’ feeling from time to time. But, for me, it’s more than that. When it was just… Continue reading Anxiety, Fear, and Scared Shitless!
**WARNING This section may be upsetting or disturbing, proceed with caution.** I never thought this would happen to me, to be so despondent that I’d consider taking my life. Those thoughts belong to other people, the homeless, victims of violence, those with mental illnesses. Not me. But anyone could feel this way. Depression, anxiety, stress,… Continue reading Suicidal Thoughts