It’s true what they say about being depressed—you’re the last one to know. It’s as if we can’t recognize the signs, or we don’t want to. The old,’ if I can’t see it, it’s not real’ philosophy. But with everything else in life, you can’t wish things away. If you turn your back on it,… Continue reading I am Numb
Growing up, dad drilled a ton of old sayings into me and my siblings, for the sole purpose of keeping us in line while pretending to offer ‘fatherly’ advice. His favourites were, [“if you’re going to do something, do it right the first time.” “Because I said so.” “You’ll live.” And yell, “ELBOWS OFF THE… Continue reading Because I Said So
Not my most favourite song, to be honest, but the right sentiment is there. That, and Don’t sweat the small stuff. Take it with a grain of salt. Like water running off a duck’s back. Grin and bear it. This piece is dedicated to all my fellow epilepsy and pnes patients and the lives they… Continue reading Don’t Worry be Happy
We’ve never had all the answers. The why—the how come—the where—the what’s next? I’d come to terms with not driving. Swore not to drink again, that evil partly to blame for bringing me to where I am today. The stressors—my life choices. Terrible—horrible—bad decisions when faced with a fork in the road, led down the… Continue reading Electrical Overload – A Poem
To Blame or not to Blame? Why is it after every seizure I ask myself, ‘what did I do wrong?’ How did I cause it?’ Each time, I have one, I still assume it was something I did to bring it on, that it’s my fault. Whether it’s epileptic or non, I believe it happened… Continue reading Is it me?
My writing is all over the place, bits here, scribbles there scattered over 2 and 3 binders and scrap books, a visual representation of my mind. We moved floors in September, only 2 years after landing in Calgary. Up 8 floors to the 20th, better views and more ‘me’ spaces for each of us, our… Continue reading Scrambled and Fried
My time in the seizure unit was filled with tests, seizures, hockey games, Netflix, reading, puzzle books, and poetry. Sitting, or laying in a hospital bed, within a 9×9 cell, 20 or more electrodes crazy-glued to my head, and attached to a cord plugged into a computer mounted on the wall, was almost suffocating. The… Continue reading Foothills Poetry
I never thought I was an anxious person and I don’t think I knew the true definition of anxiety until 2015. Or maybe a little before then. We all get those ‘butterflies’ in the stomach sensation, that ‘oh shit’ feeling from time to time. But, for me, it’s more than that. When it was just… Continue reading Anxiety, Fear, and Scared Shitless!
**WARNING This section may be upsetting or disturbing, proceed with caution.** I never thought this would happen to me, to be so despondent that I’d consider taking my life. Those thoughts belong to other people, the homeless, victims of violence, those with mental illnesses. Not me. But anyone could feel this way. Depression, anxiety, stress,… Continue reading Suicidal Thoughts
Born and raised in British Columbia, CanadaResides in Calgary, AlbertaI was officially diagnosed with epilepsy in 2015 at the age of 49, followed by a secondary diagnosis of Psychogenic Non-epileptic Seizures in 2019.I’m one of the 10-20% that live with both epileptic and non-epileptic seizures. Why this blog?My goal is to share the complexities of… Continue reading About Me