It’s been more than 2 years since I received my PNES diagnosis and my reactions when informed said seizure was non-epileptic vs epileptic, is the same today as it was the first time they told me. Even after all the reading and research I’ve done, I still feel disbelief and disappointment. Definitely not relieved. My… Continue reading It’s not Your Fault
It’s funny how certain memories will rise up and smack you in the face, a little reminder of days gone by sent as a wakeup call or to see where you where and how far you travelled. One thing I promised myself when I moved to Calgary was, I’d take part in research projects and… Continue reading I remember when …
Not my most favourite song, to be honest, but the right sentiment is there. That, and Don’t sweat the small stuff. Take it with a grain of salt. Like water running off a duck’s back. Grin and bear it. This piece is dedicated to all my fellow epilepsy and pnes patients and the lives they… Continue reading Don’t Worry be Happy
To Blame or not to Blame? Why is it after every seizure I ask myself, ‘what did I do wrong?’ How did I cause it?’ Each time, I have one, I still assume it was something I did to bring it on, that it’s my fault. Whether it’s epileptic or non, I believe it happened… Continue reading Is it me?
When you spend so much time with doctors as I have, it’s a shock when you’re told, ‘you’re doing much better since I last saw you, and I think we can close your file. There’s no need for regular follow-ups, but my door is always open. I’m here if you need me.’ It’s good that… Continue reading Doctors—My Second Family
It’s weird how sounds bounce back, a replay of a moment, repeated word for word. Memories do that, triggered by the sight of something familiar, a scent, or a person, bringing forth a rush of emotion. In a way, seizures have an echo, not of the physical type, but purely emotional. Visiting the site of… Continue reading The Seizure ‘Echo’
PNES is not a topic the general population is aware of, even less so than epilepsy. Being a psychological disorder, it’s lumped in with all the others and disregarded. At least in my opinion and limited experience with it. Ironically enough, and I may be wrong, there seems to be more books out there by… Continue reading I GET NO RESPECT
PNES is diagnosed using some of the same technology as epilepsy. Electrodes (tiny discs the size of a dime) glued to the scalp and attached to an EEG (electroencephalogram), are used to confirm any electrical disturbances on the brain, specifically the neurons. Epileptic seizures are a result of misfiring neurons the discharges appear like earthquakes… Continue reading Psychogenic non-epileptic seizures [pnes]and Epilepsy
I never thought I was an anxious person and I don’t think I knew the true definition of anxiety until 2015. Or maybe a little before then. We all get those ‘butterflies’ in the stomach sensation, that ‘oh shit’ feeling from time to time. But, for me, it’s more than that. When it was just… Continue reading Anxiety, Fear, and Scared Shitless!
**WARNING This section may be upsetting or disturbing, proceed with caution.** I never thought this would happen to me, to be so despondent that I’d consider taking my life. Those thoughts belong to other people, the homeless, victims of violence, those with mental illnesses. Not me. But anyone could feel this way. Depression, anxiety, stress,… Continue reading Suicidal Thoughts